Leadership Skills

EI: Emotional Triggers

Think of someone who pushes your buttons. This could be a family member, friend, or coworker. Do you always see it coming, and if you do, have you tried to stop your reaction? The problem with changing your reaction in the middle of the situation is that your "button" has already been pushed. What you need to do is figure out what your "button" is and try to disarm it before entering the situation.

Learning how to manage your emotional triggers will help you deal with the stress in your life and make you a better communicator.

Killer Statements

This activity is usually quite difficult for people, but it can be quite powerful. If you ever choose to do this activity with a group, make sure that you preface it with ground rules that will make the group a comfortable and safe place for discussion.

Write down 3-5 "put-downs" or "killer statements" that arouse strong feelings in you. This can be a single word, nickname, phrase, or tone of voice. Think of those that make you furious or resentful.

Now, take a step back and ask yourself:

• What are your feelings exactly?
• Are there global values associated with these words?
• Do you have specific values that you place on these words?
• Why do you think people say these things?
• What do you think of people who say these things?
• How do you typically react? Is it to the words or to the person?

Now that you have identified the why behind your intense feelings, you may begin to change your reaction. It will take practice, but after a while, your reaction will be minimual. Start with:

What can you do to change your reaction?

Whenever the word or phrase arises, remember your new strategy. Try to implement it each time. If your word or phase comes from a specific person, once you change your reaction, that person's behavior towards you will change, as well.